Sunday, October 23, 2011


I'm lonely.

There, I said. Not that it was particularly hard to admit, but it was hard to recognize. It shouldn't have been--I knew that I got my fill of social interaction at work. I worked with a great bunch of women, and I'm terrible at keeping up friendships. My sister -who also just became a stay-at-home-mom- was here this weekend, and we were talking about it. I started off by saying: I guess I should try to make some friends.

But then as the conversation continued, and I listed the type of actions I'd have to take to make -and maintain- friendships, I realized I might well choose loneliness: I hate making phone calls, and plans. I hate sticking to plans. When would I do things? Tuesdays and Thursdays are my only days with just my kids, and we already have a routine we like. We go to the gym one day and a museum the other. We like that! There's only a three hour window where we can get out anyway. Evenings? Between dinner, and bath and bed? Weekends? The only time I see my husband? Ugh. Forget it.

So I might just have to live with it.

The way I see it is, there are two paths to take with any problem: Accept it, or change it.

I usually try acceptance first, and see how that goes. This will be no different, I guess. So I'm lonely. The question is: can I live with it?


  1. This is the same balance I've been struggling with lately. I was lonely for a long time, so I went out of my way to make friends -- to schedule a social life into our normal routine -- and now I'm desperate for a little loneliness again. My head's so full of chit-chat I can hardly think!

    So: no advice, just sympathy. I hope you find your rhythm soon.

  2. i fucking hated being the SAHM. i was really anti social and afraid of people and i didn't even fit in with the other mom cliques. plus anyone i did meet with a "real job" would dumb everything down for me when they talked to me. i felt stupid. that's why i wrote a few books and started a small business.

  3. The hard thing about being lonely is that you often crave the company of someone who knows you, and unfortunately you have to get through the awkward getting-to-know you stage before you get there with someone. To that comfortable place. Hang in there.

  4. I have been struggling with the same thing! It's such a conflict. I am lonely and I want company but the little amount of time I get is SO precious...sigh...
    Sending you a big hug...