Sunday, October 23, 2011

Lonely

I'm lonely.

There, I said. Not that it was particularly hard to admit, but it was hard to recognize. It shouldn't have been--I knew that I got my fill of social interaction at work. I worked with a great bunch of women, and I'm terrible at keeping up friendships. My sister -who also just became a stay-at-home-mom- was here this weekend, and we were talking about it. I started off by saying: I guess I should try to make some friends.

But then as the conversation continued, and I listed the type of actions I'd have to take to make -and maintain- friendships, I realized I might well choose loneliness: I hate making phone calls, and plans. I hate sticking to plans. When would I do things? Tuesdays and Thursdays are my only days with just my kids, and we already have a routine we like. We go to the gym one day and a museum the other. We like that! There's only a three hour window where we can get out anyway. Evenings? Between dinner, and bath and bed? Weekends? The only time I see my husband? Ugh. Forget it.

So I might just have to live with it.

The way I see it is, there are two paths to take with any problem: Accept it, or change it.

I usually try acceptance first, and see how that goes. This will be no different, I guess. So I'm lonely. The question is: can I live with it?

5 comments:

  1. This is the same balance I've been struggling with lately. I was lonely for a long time, so I went out of my way to make friends -- to schedule a social life into our normal routine -- and now I'm desperate for a little loneliness again. My head's so full of chit-chat I can hardly think!

    So: no advice, just sympathy. I hope you find your rhythm soon.

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  2. i fucking hated being the SAHM. i was really anti social and afraid of people and i didn't even fit in with the other mom cliques. plus anyone i did meet with a "real job" would dumb everything down for me when they talked to me. i felt stupid. that's why i wrote a few books and started a small business.

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  3. The hard thing about being lonely is that you often crave the company of someone who knows you, and unfortunately you have to get through the awkward getting-to-know you stage before you get there with someone. To that comfortable place. Hang in there.

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  4. I have been struggling with the same thing! It's such a conflict. I am lonely and I want company but the little amount of time I get is SO precious...sigh...
    Sending you a big hug...
    Best,
    Tina

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