Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Transformation to Toddler

Ok, who did it?  Who stole my placid baby and left this crazy child at my house?  You didn't think I'd notice?  You didn't think I'd remember that sweet baby, the one who never cried unless he was hungry?  The one who smiled all the time, entertained himself by gazing lovingly at his own hand, DIDN'T MOVE when I placed him on a nice blanket in the center of the rug?

You didn't think I'd catch on when you replaced that soft, sweet, IMMOBILE baby with this...this...I'm wondering if maybe it's a midget crackhead.  The way he's been tearing my house up all day long.  Looking for drugs is all I could think, with that crazy behavior.  Seems a little like he's on drugs too, what with the screaming meltdowns, then next thing you know he's laughin' like a loon?  Grabbin' stuff, screaming MINE, then drops it and just starts runnin'?  Uppers, definitely.  Thing is, it looks more like a young child than a midget.  I mean, he'd even be cute if he wasn't so clearly crazy.

Or maybe it's part monkey!  He did seem decidedly monkeyish when he was running around naked, squealing, earlier today. Are they mating humans and monkeys at my local zoo?  Seems like that would be unethical.  And no wonder, seeing as how they're escaping and breaking into local homes!  But that still wouldn't explain how it knows how to hum the alphabet.  Never heard of a monkey knowing the alphabet song.  And it doesn't look hairy enough to be part monkey..... 

It's mind control.  Alien mind control.  It's the only explanation that makes any sense.  That's why he looks so much like my baby.  Aliens are controlling his mind.  Perhaps they can draw power from the incessant mess of a human house.  The more clutter per square foot, the stronger the aliens grow.  My house is probably supporting a weight lifting team of aliens, right now!  As we speak!  Their little minion covered every inch of my home in all manners of clutter!  It's got to be a tool of alien mind control.

Unless our own government is trying to weaken us from within.  Covertly controlling the citizenry through tactics specifically designed to exhaust us.  We, the people, run back and forth all day long, performing death-defying leaps through the air to repeatedly insert ourselves between toddlers and utter destruction, and by the end of the day we're so damn tired that--in our weakened state--we believe anything they tell us.

Oh God!  The possibilities!  None of them pretty, I tell you.  But it's time to ask the hard questions.  And to demand answers.  So I ask you, America, please check one:

Toddlers are:

_____Midget Crackheads?
_____Human-Monkey Hybrids?
_____Agents of Alien Mind Control?  
_____Governmental Brainwashing Tools?
_____Other? (Please specify)

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